Hate Factories
After years in the church I think I have finally come to a conclusion about something I have wrestled with for many years. I have finally lost my faith. Not my faith in God, I am still a theist, and despite numerous attempts (by various folks) to make me otherwise, I remain in the orthodox Christian faith. I have, however, entirely lost faith in the way which Christian leadership usually occurs and how the church sees people. Specifically it seems to me that the modern, western and conservative church has commoditized ministries and people to such a great degree that their actions are almost always sinister when dealing with interpersonal relationships. In fact, in many cases, these churches have become hate factories, eventually producing people apathetic to the Christian faith and down right pissed at the church. More egregiously, in my years of work at the church, while often the victim of the hate factory mentality, I also probably participated in it in numerous ways by saying nothing and doing nothing. I clearly saw abuses over the years and did nothing to stop them, even feeling relief that it was someone else and not me who was mistreated. However, as I alluded to above, even my own sinful ‘duck and cover’ didn’t stop me from being the target of those small men and women who were building not God’s kingdom but their own. To date, my entire family (as a child) was pushed out of a church, my wifes family was excommunicated and shunned from their home church, I have been pushed out of one job at a church by a pastor who within two months managed to push everyone else out as well, and oh lets see, censured in two churches over very small issues and even one seminary split. I have (as have many of you I am sure) also been the target of numerous character assassinations and nastinesses at the hands of my bro’s and sis’s in Christ.
Now I’m not saying that I am perfect, or that I haven’t harmed others as well, but I will say I try damned hard not to cause people harm and if I find out that I did harm someone, I make efforts to make it right. We are all sinners, we all harm people, but some people seem to be really good at it. They “practice” their sin and some have even made it into a near art form. I should also make two more qualifications. I know that my stories are neither the only ones of their kind, nor are they near the worst of their kind. Many of you reading this (all 9) have as many if not more stories than I do, and I am certainly aware that people have suffered far worse abuses; everything from sexual abuse to murder at the hands of the church. I am neither unique nor playing the martyr.; I’m just pissed.
The question then is – what is wrong here. Why does the church operate in a way so fundamentally contrary to the message of the gospel. Sure sure, we are “all sinners” and “fallible” and a host of other qualifications to justify treating someone else like a piece of shit, but shouldn’t the church be at least a little bit of a haven. To be honest, and I don’t think I am alone, I have felt more love and fellowship with non-believers than believers; and thats just wrong.
If you are ever pastor, fellow congregent, or God and Ordination willing one day, my flock – I just want to say two things. If I ever harm you, tell me. I can hear it, I can take it and I will make it right. Also, if you are one of those folks who regularly harm others then watch out cause I won’t allow you to persist in such a nasty sin. Christ values you too much to see you tear his flock apart. Christ loves you too much to allow you to turn his church into a hate factory, producing people burnt crisp by the ‘love of the brethren’ and seething at the church of Christ.
Would love to hear (assuming I have any readership left) some of your stories
Nick Altman
